We all know the holidays are tough on fit people. I’ts a veritable warzone of carbs. So how do fit people deal with the holidays? Well, it’s all about complete restriction.
Restriction is the number one most IMPORTANT concept for you to understand this holiday season.
You think you can be fit and indulge in egg nog? Ha!
You’re on a diet, remember! You think your perfect abs care that your grandma made that apple pie specifically for you? No. So don’t even think about indulging, even a little bit. You would literally be a failure to the entire fitness community. Even gaining a singular pound means you’ve slipped up irreparably.And what a shame to the Twitter/Instagram community you’ll become if you don’t maintain your perfectly lit, angled, sucked in abs shot for your avatar all holiday season, right?
So, to combat temptation, it’s absolutely necessary to bring prepped tupperware meals with you to every single family meal, gathering, and holiday party. Sure it may be annoying, but your family will just get over it, right? I mean they don’t understand.
OBSESSED IS A WORD THE LAZY CALL THE DEDICATED.
Also, it’s a great conversation starter! What a great example you can be to others by gnawing on your dry, cold chicken breast and slurping down green beans right in front of the dessert table. Doing this will ensure that plenty of people will marvel with wonder at your “discipline.” Your harsh restriction and utter martyrdom is what will inspire everyone that comes in contact with you to completely change their lifestyle habits. Note: it helps even more if you bring up your dietary regiment within the first couple sentences of meeting a new person. Because Paleo/Veganism/Clean Eating is LIFE. Okay? It’s who you ARE. Don’t you forget it. You’re now a disciple of the fitness world. Your diet is your religion.
Sure, you may be miserable restricting 100% during the holidays, but isn’t that what makes the fit lifestyle so great? I mean as a fit person, you’re just not like all of these “normal” people happily indulging in pumpkin cheesecake. Just look at their love handles! They can’t POSSIBLY be happy at a double digit body fat percentage can they? Of course not. Sure, you’re miserable, but hey, you’re ripped which basically means you’ve got life figured out.
Remember: As a fit, lean person you are separated from these lowly masses. Your happiness can only come by being at the leanest possible state you can be. So to truly be happy, you can’t let yourself indulge in anything because that’s just showing your weakness. And nobody likes weak people.
So here are some key points to remember:
- No indulging in ANYTHING carb-filled or with a hint of sugar. Only lean protein and vegetables. And make sure you don’t use seasonings at all- especially things like herbs. Everyone knows how fattening herbs are, I mean really.
- Bring Tupperware to every holiday function. If you don’t prep your meals every Sunday at exactly 1 PM, you DON’T EVEN LIFT. So naturally you’ll continue this during the holidays. FAIL TO PREPARE- PREPARE TO FAIL.
- Make sure to obsess about your diet to every person you come in contact with. Argue your points to the death if they don’t agree with you. Remember- you can use that one random bikini competitor you follow on Instagram as your verified source that your way is the absolute only way anyone can achieve any sort of fitness.
**DISCLAIMER** Yes, this is satirical 😉